OUR SKIPPER'S EXCUSED FROM SCORING RUNS!

Over to Headingley Carnegie for the fourth day of the second 'test' against South Africa. The big news is that Benny Goodman isn't opening this year. England's captain, Sarah (Vaughan) has the usual pow-wow as soon they get onto the pitch, obviously having forgotten yet again things he should have mentioned in the changing room. "We'll dib, dib, dib...........we don't want to be thrashed by an innings but 10 wickets is OK. By the way, anybody that doesn't realise why Darren Pattinson is playing, it's to keep him from the Notts attack when they play Yorks tomorrow. After all he is currently amongst the best bowlers in the country. One other thing, if you young Broad think you can go on upstaging your team mates with the bat we will find excuses to drop you...........we'll dob,dob,dob"


The above suggested scenario culminated in humiliation, as all cricket lovers are now aware. We have in Vaughan the cricketing equivalent of Beckham or Brown, nobody knows how to get rid of him; the answer is simple, do what the Aussies would do, 'perform or go'. Well he certainly hasn't performed.


We have the same concern regarding a wicket keeper. The England coach, a former keeper himself will go to any length to avoid the best candidate in the land, if not the whole cricketing world. We have advised the An XI stump man of our local club to expect a call. Unfortunately Moores thinks that we automatically have an Adam Gilchrist in waiting, imagining that they grow on trees. The priority is to try and save as many runs as possible. England need someone who hovers over the sticks like a vulture.


As for Stuart Broad, it's obvious that your feet are troubling you, go back to your county and get back to good habits. Consider your time sacrosanct, not to be wasted chasing losers lost causes.